Roseanne: Season 3, Episode 2: Friends & Relatives

They just got a microwave!

And Roseanne used it to make a meatloaf in 12 minutes. Mmmm.

And it's Arnie! And now he's living with Nancy... who I don't think we've heard of before. He was dating some other chick last season we hadn't seen before. And they're getting married.

And Dan's lending him money, $1500... for an "engagement ring." but really it was a breast augmentation. Dan and Roseanne currently own one of Nancy's boobs.

Roseanne: End of Season 2, and start of Season 3

So I promised to watch all the episodes in 2012, not necessarily live blog them. So I watched Fathers and Daughters and Happy Birthday.

And they were great. Roseanne got her writing room in the basement. And other things happened that were great, but I don't remember because now I'm watching the next episode. I guess that's why liveblogging is so useful :)

New theme song variation for Season 3! And a new hairstyle for Roseanne. And Dan looks reasonable., no more curly mullety goodness. And Becky is punky looking.

Roseanne is taking an at home pregnancy test. With all her friends. And her entirely family.

And Jackie said that Roseanne could get an abortion. Talking about abortion! On the TV! In 1990.

And she's not pregnant...yet :)

Roseanne: Season 2, Episode 22: April Fool's Day

It's tax day! Is this how people did taxes before Turbo tax was invented? By hand and with calculators? Yeah, that does look stressful.

"Your Dad and I made enough money last year to live very well - for 6 months. and then we juggled. " - Roseanne

Oh god, the scary (cheesy) audit noise.

Roseanne: Season 2, Episode 21: Fender Bender

Ah, Meg Wellman hits Roseanne with a car.

I like spacey Roseanne. It's Stephen Root as an attorney! (Milton from Office Space.)

"You know, if I wanted to, I could give you a summons. " -Jackie

"Well, if I wanted to, I could give you a makeover!" -Crystal

I like Jackie trying to act like a badass cop.

Roseanne: Season 2, Episode 20: To Tell the Truth

Wow, Crystal has an awesome whale sweater.

Gary has poor timing. Jackie is running out the door and Gary hollers: "Let's get married!"

Jackie has such a typical chick complex.

I love Roseanne and Jackie walking through Jackie's wedding in the living room. Since in several seasons, Jackie will get married to Fred in that living room.

Roseanne: Season 2, Episode 19: All of Me

More stupid looking headbands on Roseanne.

Ohh, Jackie's new boyfriend - Gary.

Gary and Dan are having guy talk. I kind of doubt men actually have conversations like this.

Aww, Jackie is a pushover in her relationship, and just goes along with whatever Gary wants so that he likes her. That really is such a chick thing. And just like in the show, it is poo for functional relationships. "He lets me let him make all the decisions." "He should know, I shouldn't have to tell him that." - Jackie

If I was Roseanne, I'd totally smack Jackie around, too.

Ah the triumph of sex over communication.

Roseanne: Season 2, Episode 18: I'm hungry

Diet time!

No more fried food? But this is the midwest! Tonight hey appear to be having Chicken nuggets and caesar salad for dinner, with diet coke, oh and white bread.

I love the kitchen phone with the extra long cord. We had one in our kitchen too.

That's some kind of a headband, Roseanne.

I agree, diets do suck. I want to tell her that she needs to eat healthy, and still eat good, rather than try to just not eat anything. Cause that no workie. Hence the angry eating! Raar!

Oh god, sports analogies. I don't even know what a mallomar is.

Roseanne: Season 2, Episode 16: Hair

Somehow I think this episode is slightly less upbeat than the Lady Gaga song Hair.

One of the things I've noticed recently about Roseanne is how much she and Dan and Jackie spend discussing high school 20 years ago. It's very much the high school was the best part of our lives sort of style. Which is very much not Kayte/Jim style.

Oh, it's where Roseanne gets a job at the beauty shop. i liked this job. Roseanne really doesn't want to take the job because it's so crap, but it actually seems like a pretty good job. The ladies are all nice, it's pretty low pressure.

Oh, and Meg Wellman! Of the Wellman factory, who thinks Roseanne is Roxanne. And Roseanne gets to be slightly bitchy to her, which is awesome too. And they all like her. And she just got a promotion to shampoo girl! Or... shampoo woman.

Oh, and cute Dan looking uncomfortable in the salon. That's awesome.

"You know, if you cut your hair shorter in the front, and let it grow a little in the back, it will make your neck look longer." - Hair girl to Dan advocating the mullet.

Roseanne: Season 2, Episode 16: Born to be wild

Ziggy! Dan and Roseanne's hardcore friend. And Becky likes his motorcycle.

And Jackie just alluded to loosing her virginity to Ziggy. So she's always liked the bad guys.

Roseanne: Season 2, Episode 15: An officer and a gentleman

Jackie is playing homemaker while Roseanne is dealing with Dad with broken hip.

And for some reason applesauce is the preferred accompaniment to pot roast. Pork chops would make sense, but pot roast?

I love Dan and Jackie bonding. And Dan telling Jackie she should stop dating crappy guys.

Now Jackie needs a cute happy family. Too bad she never quite gets there :P

Roseanne: Season 2, Episode 14: One for the Road

"I know, it's really hard to concentrate on one thing at a time." -Becky I tooootally agree.

Oh god, Becky and her friend are one upping each other, and trying to look cool by saying that they drink.

Darlene is taking care of drunk passed out Becky. Just like she took care of drunk passed out Jackie!

I have no idea what th blank and white clip durin ghte credits is supposed to be...

Roseanne: Season 2, Episode 13: Chicken Hearts

It would suck to work in fast food with a bunch of kids.

Crystal and Jackie are doing great with their jobs, and poor Roseanne still has crap job.

Douchy teenagers with mustangs. Just like Danville, except that he didn't get it as a 16th birthday present.

And douchy teenager fired Roseanne. bye bye fast food.

Roseanne: Season 2, Episode 12: No talking

Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, overcooked green beans, white bread, and milk for dinner. Mmm, midwest gourmet.

And Becky has attitude...oh snap. super attitude. And Darlene is being nice and reasonable. It's so upside down.

Becky wants to show that Roseanne can't control her. Roseanne just wants to know what the hell is going on.

and it's over. ok then.

Roseanne: Season 2, Episode 11: Lobo Cop

I just finished World War Z, and Lobo was the name of a weapon (lobotomizer) used to kill zombies. In Roseanne, it's the local bar.

Oh, and apparently Roseanne is working at the fast food place and the Lobo. yuck.

I love that Roseanne throws out one of her married friends who's flirting with random chick. It's inconvenient trying to flirt with people since there's only one bar in town, and everyone can see who you're flirting with.

Roseanne grumpy with husband tries to wake her up = Kayte.

Sad, working to0 hard = stress on married life = no sex :(

I love Dan and Roseanne flirting in the bar. They so damn cute.

Roseanne: Season 2, Episode 10: Brain-Dead Poets' Society

I agreee, Darlene. Poetry is lame-sauce. Although I'm not going to grow up to be a writer, and go to fancy school in Chicago for creative writing, and get a job as an ... editor... copywriter? Something, I don't remember.

I'd forgotten how long Becky dated Jimmy Meltrigger.

I love that they know they are going to screw up their kids one way or the other.

Ah, the school orchestra is playing at culture night. Cute. And random dorky Martin kid.

Aww, and Darlene has touching poem about being an akward kid. I love it.

And more bad orchestra playing. So bad. Although maybe if the conductor actually knew how to keep time, that would help.

Roseanne: Season 2, Episode 9: We Gather Together

I was going to be done with Roseanne for the evening, but I couldn't end on such a lame sauce episode. So now it's Thanksgiving!

Roseanne's starting the turkey at 5:30am. Thanksgiving error, that's going to be some dry dry turkey. I say this because Jim and I (and Vasily and Joyce) are the turkey masters. HERE is how to do thanksgiving turkey.

Also, I love cranberry sauce in a can, yum.

Dan leaves to go play football. Manly.

There's Grandma Bev and Grandpa Al. Ooh, and Bev is already talking to Roseanne about Jackie.

Bev thinks you need to baste every 30 minutes. Also false. See recipe above.

And Crystal and Grandpa Ed show up together. Ooooh.

And Dan's mom is there too! Audrey, with her date - Jay Bryant. It's neat to see her, since later they talk about how she's coo coo, and going to an institution...

And now Jackie's crying at the dinner table and Bev is freaking out. Good times.

Aww Becky's boyfriend Jimmy is at dinner too. But at the kids table. So no drama to be seen.

"How can you even talk about food? "

"Because I don't feel like talking about sex, and what else is there?" -Roseanne

Ed coming up with excuses to go see Crystal. Dan asks him to leave her alone, but no dice.

So true!

Roseanne: Season 2, Episode 8: Sweet Dreams

Oh, it's one of the really nutty Roseanne episodes. I had forgotten they had one so early on in the season. I mean, the whole last season is completely ridiculous, as are a few other scattered episodes, but this is the first.

Roseanne wants a batch all to herself, and dreams/hallucinates a crazy spa fantasy with hunky men attending to her every whim, but with the normal every day craziness constantly seeping in. She actually kills her children and Dan so they leave her alone. Oh, but then she gets put on trial for killing them all.

Aww, it's fantasy Crystal saying how amazing Dan is, and how she loves him. I guess she can always go for his dad.

And now Dan is singing about his love for Roseanne....and dancing. I love campy and silly, but I'm pretty ready for this episode to be done. It's just so obviously a dream and has no point whatsoever.

Random fact: 3/15/1975: Becky's birthday - well, it was said in the dream. I assume it's legit.

Oh look, she woke up and is going to go take a bath now. The end.

2011 Goals

So obviously my 2012 goal is to watch every episode of Roseanne in order. But by 2011 goal was 2 part: To learn to do a hand stand, and to use every kitchen gadget I had.

For the handstand, I'm pretty good: I can kick up to a handstand against a wall easily, and I can balance on just my hands for a couple of seconds without tipping. I'm still working to increase the time I can spend balancing, but I'm pretty happy with it.

For my kitchen appliances, I made a list at the beggining of 2011 of all of the tools I was going to use, and crossed each one off. Here is the list, and my attempt at remembering what I did with all of them:

1. Deep Fryer - Used this on Christmas Eve to make tempura. It was delicious.
2. Rice Cooker - Used this several times during the year to make...rice.
3. Fondue Pot - This was one of the last things ones I crossed off my list just before 2012. I had to really plan to use it. So I made an Italian Fonduta with Roasted Red Peppers (Rachael Ray's recipe) and fed the hubs and housemates.
4. Pasta Maker - Used this for Vasily's birthday to roll out chocolate for a super fancy Bon Appetit Chocolate cake recipe
5. Creme Brulee Torch - Used for actual creme brulee, pumpkin creme brulee, and on brown sugar on baked oatmeal and bananas. Yum.
6. Bread Machine - Made bread. I think 2 weeks in a row, thought how easy and amazing it was, and then never used it again.
7. Immersion Blender - Made a soup with leeks and chard from the garden
8. Coffee Pot - Made a flourless chocolate cake that called for strong coffee, and made a cup. I don't drink coffee, so this usually only comes out when my mom visits, but I don't think she used it this year. I made the flourless cake recipe for Matt & Tina's baby shower, but used decaf coffee since pregnant ladies aren't supposed to be caffinated.
9. Waffle Iron - This was another one I really had to plan for. I made brinner for Jim and I and found a Rachel Ray recipe for Sour Cream and Chive waffles.
10. Food Processor - Used this many times over the year. For varies recipes, and to just chop up stuff.
11. George Forman Grill - Pulled this out to grill a hot dog. I also had to really plan to use this. I think between my outdoor grill, and indoor grill pan, the only time I'd really ever use a George was if for some reason I didn't have access to either of these things. It's a really good dorm room tool, but in real life, I think it may have a new home soon.
12. Kitchen Aid - I love my kitchen aid! I made whipped cream in it several times, and mixed a few baking recipes.
13. Kitchen Aid Food Grinder Attachment - This was the last one for me to use. Because really, how often do I need to grind my own food? We had a bunch of Omaha steaks that had defrosted and needed to be eaten, so I made my own ground beef, and made meatballs. (Also a Rachael Ray recipe). The bits were really hard to clean, and when I pulled them out of the dishwasher found that the dishwasher had successfully cooked the stuck on meat. Eww.
14. Kitchen Aid Fruit/Veggie Strainer - Decided to make an Alton Brown creamsicle drink recipe, and juiced a few oranges. Not very creative, but it crossed it off the list.
15. Juicer - Don't remember what I juiced. Probably fruit, as the idea of veggie juice is weird.
16. Ice Cream Maker - Ice Cream! I love homemade icecream! Made several flavors.
17. Crock Pot - At some party we had weenies in sauce in the crock pot for a party. For New Years, we also made really tasty Miso soup, and left it in the crock pot to stay warm.
18. Blender - This was another one I had to really consciously figure out what to do with. You'd think it's a common one, but I don't really make smoothies or milkshakes, and everything else works better in a food processor. I made the creamsicle drink after juicing the above oranges.
19. Hand Mixer - Box cake mix.
20. Salad Spinner - I spun salad. Several times. whirrr.

So there you have it. I love kitchen toys, but it surprised me how much of an effort I really had to make to use them. I really went a whole year without spontaneously needing a smoothie or homemade waffles, and had to plan to make them.

Note: I tried to find links to many of the recipes I used, but some of the recipes that are in cookbooks aren't on the internet. Apparently this is why it is good that I have a sizable collection of cookbooks.

Roseanne: Season 2, Episode 7: Boo!

Yay, the first Roseanne Halloween episode! Roseanne has awesome Halloween episodes. It's also one of my favorite holidays.

I love all the little pranks they play back and forth on each other, and the general silliness. Dan pretending to cut himself was the best.

And this year they are having a haunted house!

Halloween Costumes:

Roseanne: Wicked Witch of the Midwest

DJ: Ninja

Darlene: Shot up and stabbed person

Crystal: Glinda, the good witch of the north

Lonnie: Pirate (a sad pirate, because it's before pirates are cool)

Becky: Flight attenant post-grotesque-accident.

Dan: Mad Scientisty dude

Jackie: Head on a platter

Becky says she hates Halloween. Silly teenager being too cool for school.

Roseanne: Season 2, Episode 6: Five of a kind

First episode with Tom Arnold! Mullet city! And he's dating some broad named Sharon.

And there's Jackie, in her cop uniform. Looking all official like.

Stomp into the Beverly Hillbillies song at the poker game. Teehee.